Allergic to love

It seems like when love gets close too me
or if I'm actually holding it in my hands
it let it go or find a way to destroy it.

like right now...I feel loved.
and for some reason it's making me feel sick to my stomach.
Even as I'm writing this, and I apologize before hand, I want to vomit.
Why do I feel this way?
How did I get to this?
Am I just one of those rare, one in a billion people that is allergic to love?

Is love to me like kryptonite to Superman?
Is love my weakness...but in a bad way?

And it's not that love that makes your legs feel like jello
or the love that makes you feel like you can fly
or even the kind that is so good, the whole damn world could be falling around you and you just don't care because he' yours and your his and that's all that matters.

But no. This love....this love is terrible.

"When a Woman Loves a Man"- Billie Holiday

we were there again.
i hate that place.
and how freaking random. I didn't even expect to find you there
and I didn't think you were being a dick. you just looked bewildered and scared.
it was kinda cute seeing you look so vulnerable. Like I saw you naked. ha...for the 10th time.
you don't fool me anymore. and there's nothing you can hide from me. I see right through you.
even your heart.
and my hoodie smelled like you.
the you i spent countless warm summer nights walking to the beach with.
the you who will never let me live down the night i got beat by an 8 year old at go kart racing.
the you who would text me my favorite song to make me smile
the you who would call just to ask what color socks i wore that day.
the you who had plans to do big things and make a difference.
the you who wouldn't let me go to sleep when we went to the movies.
the you who drove my car when I couldn't find my glasses or had a little too much josie&&XXX
the you who would NEVER understand the relationship I had with your brother when it came to politics, literature, poetry,exotic food, movies and foreign flicks, and of course...Billie Holiday♥

the you that I waited for
the you that made me weak in the knees
the you that I loved.

"I don't know how you can breathe...because when I'm with you I can't. You took my breath away"

-OtoniO

when I got to the LB Airport I broke down.
I cried the most bittersweet tears a girl could cry
I could taste our last kiss in each tear that ran down my face.
Chris how could you?

your text messages last night were comforting.
and I'm going to miss you when New Jersey takes you away from me. Again.