"Kicking Your Crosses Down"

It was brought to my attention that I seek the worst in people.
And yes..it's true. I'm not saying I'm superior to others because I am riddled with flaws.
I expect the worst in people because my trust has been ruined by quite a few "close" people.

So yeah...I will dig and pick up on everything that makes you suck. And if needed I will use it against you.
I'm a vengeful person when need be. One of my worst flaws to date I must say...but I digress.

Burning bridges is what I do best. Once I get to the other side...I don't need you, and I don't need to go back. I need to keep my eyes on the horizon and keep pushing forward on my quest for ME.

I believe the biggest fear of our generation is not death, or failure. I believe our biggest fear is LONELINESS.

We are afraid we won't find the one. We are afraid that Mr. Right or the Perfect Woman will never be found. Its like we are looking for our "holy grail". That one sacred person we hold in the highest regards.
We want the other half...but the fact that maybe we won't find him or her scares us shitless sometimes.

So what's my biggest fear...I can honestly say It would be actually finding the good in someone. Because when I do... I swear I will beat myself up if I let that person out of my life.

Side 2

Why yes.
You were something out of the ordinary
Singing to me like you knew what I was all about
You saw my love
You blink at my insecurities.
No.
Don't put them in a box.
It'll make them uncomfortable.
Tie them with string
one
by
one
Watch as they float
They don't seem to fly
They like to hover.

Iron Deficiency

You said, "In due time we will reverse polarity"
and so the sun set and the leaves fell
the wind blew in change and it landed on the tip of my tongue

mellow are my senses and numb is my heart
my actions impaired
my thoughts high and lofty

We chased lights and held our breath
Peace is what was found in the crest of a cloud

So run.
Run before the dawn warms our backs
Run before the Siren's song smashes us into thousands of particles
Run before their eyes of judgement roll from the back of their heads and rest upon us

But don't hold my hand
for you see....the darkness is only momentary.
and I know the way.

we take steps in a direction with no definite location
searching for the D.C. al Coda to bring us back....repeating the phrase to get to another ending
staccato is the beating of my heart...sharp, short, and painful

So here it is...the part where I release
letting that scarlet matter bead and drip
pushing through the tubes to the surface for air
the coppery stench surrounds and attacks the 4th

and just as it began....it dissolves.
frittering away like a drop of water on a hot blacktop.

until you learn the ways of sublimation...your time here will be condensed.

Allergic to love

It seems like when love gets close too me
or if I'm actually holding it in my hands
it let it go or find a way to destroy it.

like right now...I feel loved.
and for some reason it's making me feel sick to my stomach.
Even as I'm writing this, and I apologize before hand, I want to vomit.
Why do I feel this way?
How did I get to this?
Am I just one of those rare, one in a billion people that is allergic to love?

Is love to me like kryptonite to Superman?
Is love my weakness...but in a bad way?

And it's not that love that makes your legs feel like jello
or the love that makes you feel like you can fly
or even the kind that is so good, the whole damn world could be falling around you and you just don't care because he' yours and your his and that's all that matters.

But no. This love....this love is terrible.

"When a Woman Loves a Man"- Billie Holiday

we were there again.
i hate that place.
and how freaking random. I didn't even expect to find you there
and I didn't think you were being a dick. you just looked bewildered and scared.
it was kinda cute seeing you look so vulnerable. Like I saw you naked. ha...for the 10th time.
you don't fool me anymore. and there's nothing you can hide from me. I see right through you.
even your heart.
and my hoodie smelled like you.
the you i spent countless warm summer nights walking to the beach with.
the you who will never let me live down the night i got beat by an 8 year old at go kart racing.
the you who would text me my favorite song to make me smile
the you who would call just to ask what color socks i wore that day.
the you who had plans to do big things and make a difference.
the you who wouldn't let me go to sleep when we went to the movies.
the you who drove my car when I couldn't find my glasses or had a little too much josie&&XXX
the you who would NEVER understand the relationship I had with your brother when it came to politics, literature, poetry,exotic food, movies and foreign flicks, and of course...Billie Holiday♥

the you that I waited for
the you that made me weak in the knees
the you that I loved.

"I don't know how you can breathe...because when I'm with you I can't. You took my breath away"

-OtoniO

when I got to the LB Airport I broke down.
I cried the most bittersweet tears a girl could cry
I could taste our last kiss in each tear that ran down my face.
Chris how could you?

your text messages last night were comforting.
and I'm going to miss you when New Jersey takes you away from me. Again.